Musings on December 10th, 2007 while at work:
What is communication. It is simply the art of expressing your thoughts, and understanding the thoughts of another. In order to communicate effectively, you must be able to speak with words that the listener understands. Some people try to impress others with their great command of the English language, without realizing that the person to whom they are speaking might not understand them.
For example, you would not explain accessing the Internet to a four year old by saying, “using the hyper text markup language you will access the web domain with which you wish to interact” and expect him to understand what you are saying. You would more likely say, “use the mouse and click on the link to get to your game”.
In working with people of different backgrounds and cultures, we need to be sensitive to their ability to understand what we are trying to say. It is good to have a vast vocabulary, and it is important to be constantly learning and increasing our vocabulary, but it is senseless to use words that people can’t understand. Sometimes it is just best to keep it simple.
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Why do I call my website Search For Balance? Because after many years of thinking that I had all the answers, then finding out that life is far to complicated for one-size fits all solutions, I realized that many of us are prone to falling into extremes. I lived an extreme Fundamentalist Christian lifestyle for about 18 years. I came to the search for balance on my own as I realized that anything taken to extreme is bad. I am the mother of twelve beautiful souls, and am currently going through divorce after 26 years with the same man. In spite of the seeming incongruity of my situation, I feel complete peace with it. I am active in my martial arts school, I am free from things that held me bound for many years, and I am growing.
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Sunday, July 23, 2006
Today I was alone. Being alone causes me to ponder and think about where I have been, where I am, and where I am going. I was thinking back over the years of being in churches and seeing so many mistakes made by good people who really wanted to do what was right.
I was thinking about Christians who, in their zeal to become better “Christians” took it upon themselves to correct what they saw wrong in other “Christians”. I remember people actually shunning other Christians for things so petty as disagreeing with the pastor about the church’s dress code and daring to say so. Women wearing pants was considered an abomination and therefore worthy of shunning. The shunning itself encourages conformity without conviction.
I came to the conclusion that the moment you go against your own conscience in order to maintain your status within your church or organization, is the moment that you become a fake. You become artificial and you lose part of yourself in order to be approved of by others. I know – because I did it. I went along with things that my heart did not believe in order to be accepted.
I believe it is better to be real and true to yourself then to be a fake for acceptance. I know that I may never fit in with another group again, but I will be true.
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Ever meet a person that gave you a funny feeling that they fancied themselves to be superior to others? They carry themselves with an air that suggests they think you are beneath them for some reason. Even when the self inflicted consequences of their own wrongdoings or mistakes have reduced their status in life to a level slightly above total destitution.
I have met such a person, and find from this experience that I can really irritate that type with my cool, easy-going, unaffected attitude. I offer respect where it is earned and deserved. I respect all people as my equal until they prove they are undeserving of that respect. There are those people who, because they think they are superior, will tread on anyone they perceive as beneath them.
I guess we all have much to learn, and we can learn from all people. I recently learned a valuable lesson from this person. The lesson I learned is not to attempt to help someone who is in a bad situation, with something that was given to me, for me to use for my betterment. Such a person will take any opportunity, no matter who gets hurt in doing so, in order to put themselves ahead. Even if it means taking another person’s gift or opportunity and kicking them to the curb, so to speak.
Sadly, this type of person will prey on the weak and gullible to gain for themselves. I had a friend who was both weak and very gullible. This friend was taken for everything they owned by men with no scruples, or conscience. Not once, but three times.
Ah – but a lesson learned is another piece of armor for me to use the next time I meet up with someone like this, on my quest for balance.